“Wasn’t it?”
“In the beginning.”
The way he said those three words frightened me more than anything else.
“What changed?”
Ryan sat again.
“I stopped feeling like I was visiting your life.”
I didn’t speak.
“I started looking forward to Tuesday nights because that was when Lily had dance class and you always forgot to eat dinner.”
My heart pounded.
“I started keeping the cereal she likes here.”
I knew that.
“I learned which cartoons she watches.”
I knew that too.
“I knew when your car needed servicing. When your mortgage payment came out. Which days you worked late.”
“Ryan…”
“And somewhere in the middle of all that, I started imagining things I had no right to imagine.”
“Like what?”
He looked toward the ceiling.
“Lily running upstairs after school.”
I closed my eyes.
“You sitting here complaining about work while I cook.”
“Stop.”
“Christmas mornings.”
“Ryan.”
“Helping her with homework.”
“Stop.”
“You coming home here.”
“Please stop.”
He did.
Neither of us moved.
Finally, he said,
“I love you.”
The words landed softly.
That somehow made them worse.
“I never meant for that to happen.”
